you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This house was built for laser tag.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
