did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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