Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
