i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
