Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
