Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
