mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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