??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize