The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
