Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
