i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
