Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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