a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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