I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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