I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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