guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
