i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
