It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
