there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
