I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
