my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
