i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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