i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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