I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
