He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
