You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
