What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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