He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
