You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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