I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
