i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
