The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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