I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
