I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
