1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
