that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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