Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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