I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
