all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
