I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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