Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
