We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
