How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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