Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
