Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We left the knife in your bed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
