I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize