Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize