Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
