well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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