I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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