I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize