I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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