They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
