and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
