My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
