Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
