the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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