In the future we'll all be gay
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
