I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
