Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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