so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
