dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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