Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
