How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
