i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
