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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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