We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
